Stop looking at children as a problem to be solved

Yesterday two things happened which forced me to rethink my recent interactions with my daughter.

Firstly, I had asked her class teacher to let me know when she can bring her copies at home so that we can sit together and discuss class work. In her school they have a peculiar practice of keeping all books and copies in school lockers. The teacher replied-" Dear madam, please stop stressing her. We have just met over PTM( wherein she had told me that my child was doing brilliant in academics and settled well in new class and school)." I was expecting anything but this. Though my intention behind asking for classwork was to remain acquainted with my child's learning at school however teacher's unexpectedly crude reply did make me think from another perspective.

Most often in vigor of teaching and guiding as per our best abilities ,we start taking our children as a project to be executed. This is nice if executed sans all emotions. However that is never the case. Gradually as with all projects the problems arise with seamless execution , more so with children and we lose the track. In place of gentle hand holding, we sometimes fall in the trap of strict monitoring and regimentation.

What's required here is to remember our children are not projects to be executed or problems to be solved but wonderful souls to be nurtured with love and affection. The second incident which coincided with the first was coming across these wonderful lines from a book- ' The Parent's Tao Te Ching ' by William Martin.

" Are your children 'problems to be solved'

Or people to be loved?

Consider current problems with your children.

Can you create a space,

free from your own anxieties,

in which they are able to find their own way,

feeling your love,

But not your expectations?"

It ensured that I never look at any child the way before.

(P.S. : My intentionally delayed and calibrated response to class teacher's reply will be the topic of discussion in another post !)